Pregnant again?!

yesterday i saw June's post on FB. She said that she wanted to be pregnant again. can't help but feel a tinge of jealousy...and perhaps a little anger? it bothered me, i must confess...why? hmm...cos it just didn't seem fair that if she wanted...she could choose to try...even though we gave birth the same period the last time and i don't get the same freedom of choice. my wound still hurts sometimes, though it is probaby fine 90% of the time. but you never know how it really is healing underneath the skin...after all the uterus was also cut and sewn.

and somewhere in the shadows lurks the fear that history might repeat itself...seemingly weird but this year has been a little of a deja vu of 2011. we went japan in Jan..just like 2011...alot of people jioing me to go taiwan...i'm doing all i can to avoid Taiwan and KL. silly thoughts come that if we both get preggy around the same time again...something similar might happen? of cos that is by a long shot. but i guess for the rest of my life..i can only look at june's boy Liam and sigh in envy. How I wish Tyan was here...it just doesn't seemed right that not many people remembered him or have seen how handsome he was...no one to gush at his little antics and to like and comment on his behaviours and status on FB. It's just not fair!!