happy chinese new year to all!
sorry but need to rant abit...if you are in happy festive mood, maybe skip this for later.
this year's chinese new year is a very different one from the last one we had. welll for me and alec, that was in 2011. We skipped the whole CNY festivities in 2012 so as to avoid all the awkwardness after Tyan's death. it hurt too much then to meet any relatives and "celebrate" when that was the last thing on our minds.
But it turned out that was the last CNY that Alec's paternal grandma spent with us cos she was hospitalised on the 3rd day of CNY and passed away shortly after we came back from Japan.
This year we had reunion dinner at his granddad's place but it was alot quieter cos his grandad was hospitalised on eve of CNY eve. His 3rd uncle and family din even show up for the reunion dinner this year. Some family feud going on...but we were actually happier cos that meant less bickering and sacarstic words to be hear at the dinner table. of cos, i was hoping the lesser people who knows that I am pregnant, the better it is. I still isn't quite ready for people to know that I am pregnant and I am trying to hide it as long as I can. Feel sorry for my baby...not that mummy is ashamed of you but just don't want unnesscessary questiones or "advices" at this point in time.
but much as i wanted to avoid, i could not avoid the "advices" from Alec's auntie. I know she meant well but she had me bristling at her advices. things like " aiya, you all dun say i superstitious ah, these kind of things you better listen to your elders. better to believe than be sorry." or " better dun move house or shift your bed before you deliver or you risk upsetting the "chuang mu" aka "mother of the bed""...and she said it again and again....it hurts to hear these things you know? what was she implying? that I did such inappropriate things and that is why Tyan died?
I was up to my neck trying to keep my temper down when she repeated herself again for the nth time, so I replied " auntie, dun worry...i am the mother, I am definitely more worried than you are." In my mind, i continued, and for all the superstitious things that you tell me, you are adding to my already overloaded mind with worries and anxieties. As it i dun already have enough scientific and valid reasons to worry, now you want to add these ungrounded superstitious stuff to my plates? the worry of these things will add to my anxieties and be more detrimental to my baby than me doing all the "restricted" stuff. thanks but no thanks!!
See, that is why I am trying to avoid meeting people during this season. I had enough of well-meaning people telling me to do this, do that, dun do this, dun do that. So this year, I am not even visiting my mom's side for CNY. I told my cousins who knows that I am pregnant not to even mention to their moms that I am. So alec's grandma's passing gave us a perfect excuse to avoid visitation this year.
speaking of which, I am also trying to avoid weddings but seems like we can't...i have like a few to attend in mar and Apr and they were all pretty long time frens so we wld want to be there. well, maybe till the next one that pushes my buttons again. the last one I attended, I had a facebook fren who saw that I was pregnant and sitting down with a few other frens, so she came by and asked whether this was my first or second pregnancy, boy or girl etc...there was an awkward silence but she did not notice it. I would have tot she wld know...but I dun hold it against her. it was another that got me bristling. she told me that I must take care and not think so much...if not this baby will turn out to be a moody and difficult to handle baby, like how she was stressed taking care of her first kid when pregnant with her 2nd child . i know it's all well-intented advices but sometimes they still get to me. cos they make me feel guilty towards this baby...but I am trying to be positive...but i can't help but worry...hey...try losing your baby and see if you can avoid being paranoid when you are pregnant again.
I am more positive than I was when pregnant with Tyan and I think that is a big improvement already. Week 22 almost in sight...we just had the detailed scan and everything seems fine...baby did a great job, moving and dancing ard during the scan...so Prof is quite happy and satisfied. We are looking to stop the injections at week 24...still not sure if it is a wise decision. pls continue to pray for wisdom and protection over the baby...oh and pls pray that the contractions go away too...thanks!
sorry but need to rant abit...if you are in happy festive mood, maybe skip this for later.
this year's chinese new year is a very different one from the last one we had. welll for me and alec, that was in 2011. We skipped the whole CNY festivities in 2012 so as to avoid all the awkwardness after Tyan's death. it hurt too much then to meet any relatives and "celebrate" when that was the last thing on our minds.
But it turned out that was the last CNY that Alec's paternal grandma spent with us cos she was hospitalised on the 3rd day of CNY and passed away shortly after we came back from Japan.
This year we had reunion dinner at his granddad's place but it was alot quieter cos his grandad was hospitalised on eve of CNY eve. His 3rd uncle and family din even show up for the reunion dinner this year. Some family feud going on...but we were actually happier cos that meant less bickering and sacarstic words to be hear at the dinner table. of cos, i was hoping the lesser people who knows that I am pregnant, the better it is. I still isn't quite ready for people to know that I am pregnant and I am trying to hide it as long as I can. Feel sorry for my baby...not that mummy is ashamed of you but just don't want unnesscessary questiones or "advices" at this point in time.
but much as i wanted to avoid, i could not avoid the "advices" from Alec's auntie. I know she meant well but she had me bristling at her advices. things like " aiya, you all dun say i superstitious ah, these kind of things you better listen to your elders. better to believe than be sorry." or " better dun move house or shift your bed before you deliver or you risk upsetting the "chuang mu" aka "mother of the bed""...and she said it again and again....it hurts to hear these things you know? what was she implying? that I did such inappropriate things and that is why Tyan died?
I was up to my neck trying to keep my temper down when she repeated herself again for the nth time, so I replied " auntie, dun worry...i am the mother, I am definitely more worried than you are." In my mind, i continued, and for all the superstitious things that you tell me, you are adding to my already overloaded mind with worries and anxieties. As it i dun already have enough scientific and valid reasons to worry, now you want to add these ungrounded superstitious stuff to my plates? the worry of these things will add to my anxieties and be more detrimental to my baby than me doing all the "restricted" stuff. thanks but no thanks!!
See, that is why I am trying to avoid meeting people during this season. I had enough of well-meaning people telling me to do this, do that, dun do this, dun do that. So this year, I am not even visiting my mom's side for CNY. I told my cousins who knows that I am pregnant not to even mention to their moms that I am. So alec's grandma's passing gave us a perfect excuse to avoid visitation this year.
speaking of which, I am also trying to avoid weddings but seems like we can't...i have like a few to attend in mar and Apr and they were all pretty long time frens so we wld want to be there. well, maybe till the next one that pushes my buttons again. the last one I attended, I had a facebook fren who saw that I was pregnant and sitting down with a few other frens, so she came by and asked whether this was my first or second pregnancy, boy or girl etc...there was an awkward silence but she did not notice it. I would have tot she wld know...but I dun hold it against her. it was another that got me bristling. she told me that I must take care and not think so much...if not this baby will turn out to be a moody and difficult to handle baby, like how she was stressed taking care of her first kid when pregnant with her 2nd child . i know it's all well-intented advices but sometimes they still get to me. cos they make me feel guilty towards this baby...but I am trying to be positive...but i can't help but worry...hey...try losing your baby and see if you can avoid being paranoid when you are pregnant again.
I am more positive than I was when pregnant with Tyan and I think that is a big improvement already. Week 22 almost in sight...we just had the detailed scan and everything seems fine...baby did a great job, moving and dancing ard during the scan...so Prof is quite happy and satisfied. We are looking to stop the injections at week 24...still not sure if it is a wise decision. pls continue to pray for wisdom and protection over the baby...oh and pls pray that the contractions go away too...thanks!
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