almost turning 18 weeks at this point and filling 2.5 bottles with syringes..have started feeling little thuds here and there...yesterday, you gave me a big kick right in the middle of my tummy that caught me by surprise...or rather shock...i wasn't sure if it was you...it had to be you, right? what else could be moving in my stomach? but it was so different from your usual gentle movements...guess my slouching position didn't quite agree with you huh?
had a terrible nightmare the night before...had me tossing and turning the whole night. I dreamt that i was trying to go home to get your report and head to the hospital but somehow there were evil forces trying to stop me along the way. Even when we finally made it to the hospital, I know that the demon was lurking around, waiting for a chance to steal you away from me. But I had help all along the way from frens who interceded. guess it must be a combination of my thoughts running wild and too much of Zombie farm. Still, it has been getting more and more difficult as the weeks goes by. I am constantly plagued by fear that things would go wrong again...but I have been trying...really...trying to stay positive and just enjoy the pregnancy.
but people won't understand...the fears and terrors that run through the mind of a bereaved mummy expecting her first rainbow baby. it can be well-meaning encouragements but comments like "wow, your tummy is really showing" and "dun worry, everything will be just fine" just don't make us feel any better. Especially not for me who has gone thru polyhydramnios...big tummy is not a good sign at all! of cos, at this stage, it is still too early to tell. Words are cheap, it is easy to just say consoling words w/o meaning them. I guess i can't expect people to truly understand what we are going through. But I really appreciate those who have kept us in their prayers thus far.
my initial gut feel was that i'm having a baby girl but seems like our little one is showing us hints of otherwise at the last two visits to the gynae...makes it a little more scary for me...i dunno...i never really liked the feeling of deja vu. But I am keeping positive and taking one step at a time.
had a terrible nightmare the night before...had me tossing and turning the whole night. I dreamt that i was trying to go home to get your report and head to the hospital but somehow there were evil forces trying to stop me along the way. Even when we finally made it to the hospital, I know that the demon was lurking around, waiting for a chance to steal you away from me. But I had help all along the way from frens who interceded. guess it must be a combination of my thoughts running wild and too much of Zombie farm. Still, it has been getting more and more difficult as the weeks goes by. I am constantly plagued by fear that things would go wrong again...but I have been trying...really...trying to stay positive and just enjoy the pregnancy.
but people won't understand...the fears and terrors that run through the mind of a bereaved mummy expecting her first rainbow baby. it can be well-meaning encouragements but comments like "wow, your tummy is really showing" and "dun worry, everything will be just fine" just don't make us feel any better. Especially not for me who has gone thru polyhydramnios...big tummy is not a good sign at all! of cos, at this stage, it is still too early to tell. Words are cheap, it is easy to just say consoling words w/o meaning them. I guess i can't expect people to truly understand what we are going through. But I really appreciate those who have kept us in their prayers thus far.
my initial gut feel was that i'm having a baby girl but seems like our little one is showing us hints of otherwise at the last two visits to the gynae...makes it a little more scary for me...i dunno...i never really liked the feeling of deja vu. But I am keeping positive and taking one step at a time.
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