these past couple of days, i have been down with a high fever. It is the first time I have been sick since Tyan. recently, I was just telling Alec and some frens that I have been the healthiest I have been in a long while. I used to fall sick every other month and there were years when i would chalk up visits to the clinic as often as 24times in a year. The last time I was this sick was in the 1st trimester when I was pregnant with Tyan. I totally hated myself for being so weak then...the fever wouldn't go away for a whole week, raging up to 39+ degrees, I was coughing my lungs out for a gd 3 months. Even had to see a specialist for the cough, took antibiotics even though I was not yet over the 1st trimester and not to mention so many other medicines....
being sick of course i felt miserable...but it had to happen on the first day that Alec was away for missions and not to mention, the first time Alec was away from my side for so long after Tyan's passing. I thought I could handle it just fine...just a fever...but i was caught unaware myself when i started crying and before I knew it, it was a meltdown. I was just huggin my pillows and bolster, wrapping myself in my blankets and crying non-stop...oh it felt so bad but it felt much better after that...i know somewhere my body remembers this and registered the emotions and memories that came along with it. I remembered feeling helpless then cos I was too sick, burning at 39+ degrees and couldn't really eat. I was so worried about Tyan...not really daring to take the medicines but had to cos I needed to bring the fever down quickly so that it will not affect the growing baby. The cough was so bad that I was worried that it might put unecessary pressure on the baby.
of cos, I never really knew what caused my baby to die. I probably never will. But I had been trying so hard to keep myself in the best of health since Tyan's death so we could have a better chance at our next one. I did a full confinement even though there was no baby to look after. I went on a diet to lose my pregnancy weight in 2 months so I will not have the numbness in my legs that kept me up in the night for my next pregnancy..poor blood circulation the TCM says...cos I was too heavy then. And I have been eating the healthiest I have ever eaten in my life...at least 2-3 times more vegetables than what I do usually...cutting away my favourite carbs (rice, kway teow, chee cheong fun, kway chap, chwee Kueh) from my diet.
I have been with the TCM for accupuncture for 4plus months too...trying to balance my body and make it stronger and ready for the next pregnancy. Just as the TCM gives the all-clear to try as well, Bam! I am down with this flu bug. There goes my clean slate. I have intended that I would give everything out of the norm a miss 3mths before I try again That means no medicines, no supplements, no nothing out of the ordinary... I have even stopped my hair treatments just in case.
I am almost tearing my hair out for this! I can't believe it....so close to being able to try and now this. Of cos i was also very caught in between because I was worried if we tried and got pregnant when we were due for our vacation, I was worried what the air travel might do to affect the pregnancy. I know I know that many people travel when they are pregnant and they delivered fine....but you know something? I was supposed to be part of the majority 60% of people who have polyhyramnios and have a healthy baby but nope...I happened to be the 1% who have polyhyramnios and a dead baby and no causes can be found. So dun tell me that the odds are in my favour. I know the next pregnancy I have to try very hard not to be neurotic abt it. I'm trying but my body bu zheng qi wo ye mei ban fa. So the last piece of advice from the TCM, what is yours is yours...just go along naturally. I know this makes sense but pls understand...very hard for me to take it...
Tell me pls, shld I TTC before, during, or after my trip???
being sick of course i felt miserable...but it had to happen on the first day that Alec was away for missions and not to mention, the first time Alec was away from my side for so long after Tyan's passing. I thought I could handle it just fine...just a fever...but i was caught unaware myself when i started crying and before I knew it, it was a meltdown. I was just huggin my pillows and bolster, wrapping myself in my blankets and crying non-stop...oh it felt so bad but it felt much better after that...i know somewhere my body remembers this and registered the emotions and memories that came along with it. I remembered feeling helpless then cos I was too sick, burning at 39+ degrees and couldn't really eat. I was so worried about Tyan...not really daring to take the medicines but had to cos I needed to bring the fever down quickly so that it will not affect the growing baby. The cough was so bad that I was worried that it might put unecessary pressure on the baby.
of cos, I never really knew what caused my baby to die. I probably never will. But I had been trying so hard to keep myself in the best of health since Tyan's death so we could have a better chance at our next one. I did a full confinement even though there was no baby to look after. I went on a diet to lose my pregnancy weight in 2 months so I will not have the numbness in my legs that kept me up in the night for my next pregnancy..poor blood circulation the TCM says...cos I was too heavy then. And I have been eating the healthiest I have ever eaten in my life...at least 2-3 times more vegetables than what I do usually...cutting away my favourite carbs (rice, kway teow, chee cheong fun, kway chap, chwee Kueh) from my diet.
I have been with the TCM for accupuncture for 4plus months too...trying to balance my body and make it stronger and ready for the next pregnancy. Just as the TCM gives the all-clear to try as well, Bam! I am down with this flu bug. There goes my clean slate. I have intended that I would give everything out of the norm a miss 3mths before I try again That means no medicines, no supplements, no nothing out of the ordinary... I have even stopped my hair treatments just in case.
I am almost tearing my hair out for this! I can't believe it....so close to being able to try and now this. Of cos i was also very caught in between because I was worried if we tried and got pregnant when we were due for our vacation, I was worried what the air travel might do to affect the pregnancy. I know I know that many people travel when they are pregnant and they delivered fine....but you know something? I was supposed to be part of the majority 60% of people who have polyhyramnios and have a healthy baby but nope...I happened to be the 1% who have polyhyramnios and a dead baby and no causes can be found. So dun tell me that the odds are in my favour. I know the next pregnancy I have to try very hard not to be neurotic abt it. I'm trying but my body bu zheng qi wo ye mei ban fa. So the last piece of advice from the TCM, what is yours is yours...just go along naturally. I know this makes sense but pls understand...very hard for me to take it...
Tell me pls, shld I TTC before, during, or after my trip???
No comments:
Post a Comment