Ramblings - Jabez's Prayer

1 Chronicles 4:10

And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, "Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!" So God granted him what he requested.

These days, some many things have been happening. Some good, some bad but these days things get overwhleming cos things are happening left, right and center. Today, I just felt my spirit crying out the prayer of Jabez. Really being a leader is not easy, many times I would feel like giving up for various reasons.

1) Leaders are not always understood
Very often, our well-intentions are sometimes misread and we come across as pressurizing, stern and sometimes not understanding

it is always a delicate balance trying to teach the members with the Word of God, trying to help them see the imptance of having the right priorities, right values, right attitude and knowing when to let go and let them make their choice. Always, I would fear that I am not doing enough, not pushing them enough to stretch their capacity or that I have not explained enough to help them understand the reasons behind doing certain things. On the other hand, I would worry that I am giving them too much pressure and the I might make things worst than they are now and might really end up pushing them to a point that I quench their love for God and they just get turned off God, then I would have lost one soul that is precious to God.

Then I would reason that if I give in to their excuses/ reasons so easily then I am not building people of conviction and then they would forever be laid-back Christians and they would not be able to stand up to pressure in tough times. I keep reminding myself that I cannot be the HS in their lives. sigh...


2) Worried that Ministry is overshadowing my Love for God

Sometimes, I can't help but think is ministy getting to me? Often, the issues and matters in the cell group takes up so much of my attn and drains my spirit so much that I don't feel like seeking God. Constantly my mind is thinking abt how to grow the group, how to minister to the members, how to practically help them in the problems they face, how to get them to love God more, booking seats, attendance, taking every opportunity to correct that somewhere along the line, I lose myself and I cannot even concentrate on worshipping God properly during P&W. Guess I am really more of a Martha than a Mary huh?

It is a vicious cycle. Cos I need His strength/ wisdom to lead the group, without the HS, everything will become dry and meaningless. Then, I'll get so disappointed with myself re the state of the cell group tat I feel like I cannot face God because I am not a good steward of the people that He has given me.

You know, alec is right. I am meticulous but I expect others to be like me.
I have great common sense but I get agitated when people do silly things. My strength is also my weakness. So much common-sense but I also need to have more Godly wisdom.

But having said all that, I still choose to carry on cos I have not forgotten God's call upon my life. I still rem that faithful night when I had the encounter. Even as Pst K was praying for the leadership and intercessing for some issues, I remmember looking at him and a suffocating feeling coming over me. God then revealed to me that this is the tremendous pressure that Pst and the leaders have to bear to raise this church for Him. Then I remembered a voice asking, "Today, if you are under this feeling, will you be able to bear it, would you be willing to bear it no matter what?" Instantly, I was overwhlemed and I recalled my desire to be a leader in His house and I told the HS that I was willing to bear it all.

Everytime when I feel like sinking, this is the encounter I will choose to remember. Everyyime when i am down, I will remmeber that many are called but few are chosen.

So I can only pray the prayer of Jabez. God, Bless me and enlarge my territory (capacity). Pls be with me and let the HS move through me. Keep me from evil (pride/ negative thinking/ anger) that I will not cause pain (to my members/ pple that I love). Let the works of my hands bring Glory to Your Name. I love you, Daddy God.